Fatigue

  Do you crawl in a ball and let yourself rest?

Or are you determined to push past it and carry on with your day knowing it's going to bring you further down later?

And for the women reading, do you get fatigued when you're close to those red days?

 

I do...or rather I am now.

I attribute my general lack of enthusiam for things and my previous poem War, to my upcoming "female week." And it reminds me how depressed and anxious I used to be on a daily basis. How tired and worn down I would feel, not wanting to even get out of the bed in the morning, no - scared to get out of the bed in the morning, scared to try anything new, scared to live.

I know right? It's sad.

But it was my life.

I attribute it (with better knowledge on the subject), to my small frame, my pumping adrenal glands that work overtime to keep everything regulated (I was premature, people), and I realized only a year or so ago that everything I let into my weakened immune system whether it be metaphorical or otherwise, was taking its toll on me. And it was my choice to let these things happen.

What can I do now but take the consequences and begin to strengthen myself, and I do that by consciously changing my outlook. Granted, some days are better than most with this. As of now, with my period looming, I'm finding it difficult to keep my eyes open let alone stay conscious for most of the day. I'm just that worn out. And don't even get me started on what this has done to my drive for writing. -_- (But I still am...barely!)

But I know it's only temporary and my core - the part of me that can no longer be changed my outside influences and passing fancies - is still there - is as strong as ever while I go through what everyone goes through - life. To let it get to me like I used to is, I have learned, terribly detrimental to my health. And being born 1lb, 10 oz., makes it harder for me to stay healthy from the get-go, but I have been, why?

Love (from family, my other-half, and my puppy). Sticking with the choices I've made. Accepting my reality (everything is what it is, right now, and if I want to change it at anytime, I can).

And taking those five or ten minutes where I can just being with myself.

It's done wonders for my frame of mind, my frame of self, and my immune system. (Vitamins notwithstanding.)

And voila!

Here I am.

Fatigued, yes, but happy about it. For once.

Are you?

(Am still writing The Rather Depressing Tales of Patricia L. Bordeaux and am still editing The Dark World.)

Keep your bite.

-S.C. Parris